The Bean Blog (currently on hiatus)

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

The Post Where I Admit to Wearing T-Shirt Shorts in Public

The Bread Winner and I have joined a gym. The idea of the Bread Winner joining a gym makes sense to everyone who knows her. Me, on the other hand, provides a response more along the lines of, "Really?" But it's happened. I want to exercise this summer, and I want to do it in air-conditioned comfort. And I want to swim. I love to swim, but I very rarely get to do so because I don't make it to the beach very often, and I've never belonged to a pool or gym. But as of last night, I do. So this morning I went to swim.

I walked into the pool room with some flip-flop type things on and then stood next to this bench to take them off and put them onto a shelf. As I did so, I sort of lost my balance a bit, and I was forced to step out to the left side to keep from falling. The ball of my left foot landed squarely on top of a rusty bolt protruding from the floor to hold down the bench. OUCH. That's what I thought. Along with, THIS CAN'T BE GOOD.

I immediately sat down on the bench and looked at the bottom of my left foot. By putting my thumbs on either side of the cut, the calloused skin seperated to reveal quite a deep gash. I looked down at the bench and saw the rusty bolt. Decision time. To swim anyway or not? Well, I swam anyway. Probably not the best idea, but goddammit, I wanted to swim. So I hobbled over to the pool and got in.

About 45 minutes later, I was in the locker room taking a shower. I'd decided that I would tell the guy who signed me up to the gym about the injury and the rusty bolt. I mean, how smart is it to have rusty bolts sticking up from the floor of an area where people are bound to be walking around barefoot? Even more or less beneath a bench, it's not smart. I got out of the shower and was drying off, thinking about the bandaid in my near future. Then I rumaged through my gym bag for my clothes. That's when I realized what I had done. Instead of bringing a t-shirt and a pair of shorts, I HAD BROUGHT TWO T-SHIRTS.

Well, shit, what was I supposed to do? I could have put my swimming bottoms back on, which are mens swimming shorts. But then were soaked (of course) with chlorine water, and I didn't want to wear them in the beautiful black leather upholstry that was in my car. That's when I contemplated yet another bad idea. Perhaps, I reasoned, I could wear one of the t-shirts as shorts? Let's find out.

My legs did fit into the arm holes about up to my knees. I could pull the bottom of the t-shirt up to my waist. Full coverage had been accomplished. I'm not going to lie to you. It looked a little odd. The neck hole sort of hung down oddly between my knees. But the t-shirt was dry. And maybe people would think it was some sort of strange hippy skirt. I'm not really a strange hippy skirt kind of a girl, but no one here knows me. So maybe I could be that kind of girl. All I had to do was walk out the door, get in the car, and make my get away.

Except that I wanted to talk about the rusty bolt. And I wanted a bandaid for my foot, which hurt. That would mean getting someone's attention directed towards me while I talked to them about the rusty bolt WHILE WEARING T-SHIRT SHORTS. I decided to risk it. (No, I hadn't made best series of decisions in the past hour, but oh well--why stop now?)

So I wandered out of the locker room and to the front office area where I sat down in front of Chip (only guys who work at gyms should be named Chip) and said, "I cut my foot in the pool room." Then, to prove that this was significant, I held up my foot so that he could see the bottom of it and the gash. I saw my t-shirt shorts move as I adjusted my legs, but I hoped against hope that visions of lawsuits were dancing in Chip's head instead of logical questions like, "Is this woman wearing a t-shirt as shorts?"

Never saying anything about my t-shirt shorts, Chip got me antiseptic, bandaids, and a promise to do something about the rusty bolt. Then I left, convincing myself out of necessity that the t-shirt shorts had gone unnoticed. I got to the car and realized that I had left my lock on the locker instead of taking it with me. Would I go back into the gym again, wearing t-shirt shorts, to get it? Why the hell not?

As I recounted this story to the Bread Winner, her response was, "Wait. You did what?" Upon confirmation, I was greeted with stunned silence.

22 Comments:

  • Er, I fail to see how a t-shirt could possibly be mistaken for a skirt. Even a strange hippy skirt!

    By Blogger Fyse, at 3:19 PM, April 26, 2005  

  • Come on, Fyse! Let a girl have her delusions. How else can I return to the gym with my head held high?

    By Blogger Oz, at 10:35 AM, April 28, 2005  

  • Ahem. On further consideration, I realise exactly how a t-shirt could all too easily be mistaken for a strange hippy skirt.

    By Blogger Fyse, at 2:29 PM, April 28, 2005  

  • Just what I thought!

    Thanks ;)

    By Blogger Oz, at 2:33 PM, April 28, 2005  

  • You're a brave woman. That's all I have to say... since I can't stop laughing!

    By Blogger Debra, at 1:57 AM, April 29, 2005  

  • You know...if you were a guy, that shirt skirt could be a cool new way to pee...I'm just saying!

    By Blogger D.T., at 2:05 AM, April 29, 2005  

  • Debra, Brave. That's one word for it. A word I prefer to stupid, which I think was what Fyse was suggesting. :)

    DT, Do it, David. I dare you!

    By Blogger Oz, at 11:09 AM, April 29, 2005  

  • I was told once that going swimming helps heal cuts faster (the chlorine, I'm guessing?). Not sure if that's true or not, but at least you got your swim in!

    By Blogger nicole, at 7:39 PM, April 30, 2005  

  • Wow, what a trendsetter you are! I think you might start a new fad. Aw gawd, that was funny! And sort of frightening...because...it's so much like my life! Oz, though I'm happy to have you along, how did you get mixed up in my reality? ~;^) I'm glad you're taking care of yourself (when you're not having misadventures, that is...). I need a tissue now to wipe away the tears of laughter. Gee, maybe I should use the tail of my shirt...d'ya think? ~;^)

    By Blogger foxymama, at 4:06 PM, May 01, 2005  

  • Nicole, I'm not sure about the chorline thing. On one hand, it makes sense, and I've thought that before. After all, it's supposed to make the pool germ/bacteria free. However, I once went swimming for about 4 days after I got a cut on my foot, and the cut got worse and worse. Of course, I was also at a hotel, and I didn't have things like hydrogen peroxide and neosporin. When I got home, I put that stuff on, and the cut improved dramatically. Again, it's hard to know if the chemicals in the pool were aggravating the cut or if it was just the lack of neosporin, etc. To be on the safe side this time, besides that swim directly after the injury, I've stayed out of the pool, and the cut is healing nicely. I think next week I'll be swimming again.

    Foxy, I'm glad you liked my story. I'm not sure it holds a candle to your stories, but I do my best. :)

    By Blogger Oz, at 9:01 AM, May 02, 2005  

  • Oz, you're doing just fine. Keep it up... ~:^)

    By Blogger foxymama, at 10:34 AM, May 02, 2005  

  • UGH...just cuz you dared me, now I'm gonna have to do it...damnit! LOL...

    By Blogger D.T., at 1:11 PM, May 02, 2005  

  • Hey Oz. With regards to moving your blog, it shouldn't be that tricky if you just want to have your own URL. You only need to bother with MySQL etc. if you want to stop using Blogger, and move to Wordpress. If all you want to do is change the location of your blog, then that just requires buying some server space and a domain name, then changing a few of the settings in Blogger. Drop me an email if you want a hand (just replace the first dot in my URL with @).

    Your three blog setup would lend itself very nicely to subdomains! Subdomains rock the most.

    By Anonymous Fyse, at 8:47 PM, May 02, 2005  

  • This story is hilarious. Thanks for the laugh this evening...I needed it. I totally identified with doing anything to save the leather seats.

    By Blogger Wheelson, at 2:46 AM, May 03, 2005  

  • HOTT!

    By Blogger Dan, at 1:31 AM, May 04, 2005  

  • Fyse, I recently tried to put a new blogspot.com blog on a domain that I already own, and it didn't work. I just assumed it was the last of the database thing or whatever. Anyway, I might take you up on your offer and get the step by step instructions from you one of these days...

    Wheelson, Glad I could lighten your evening. And thank god I've found someone who understands about the leather seats!

    Dan, All capitals and two T's? I might have to make my t-shirt shorts a more regular part of my wardrobe!

    By Blogger Oz, at 9:17 AM, May 04, 2005  

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