The Bean Blog (currently on hiatus)

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Wait, Didn't You Know We Were Fighting?

Ever been in a big fight with someone, only they knew nothing about it? That sort of happened to me this past week with my best friend Emily. Last Wednesday night, I started this ill-advised discussion/disagreement about an assignment for my French class. It was an assignment generated by Emily (although she is not my teacher). So obviously, she was emotionally invested in its "rightness," if you will. The conversation never became mean or nasty or anything like that. But it was a bit on the unpleasant side. I hung up the phone and thought, "Well, that wasn't fun, but it's no big deal."

Then I called her the next day to ask her for some help with a French project I was working on. Emily has been nice enough to tutor me this semester. Without her, I would probably be passing the class, but I wouldn't be doing nearly as well. So I called her on Thursday to ask her some questions, and she seemed quite annoyed...and a little short with me. I asked her what was wrong, and she said that it was all this stuff she had to do for work, she was busy, etc. etc.

I wasn't convinced. I suspected that she was actually mad at me for our disagreement the night before. I decided to back off. I'd been doing most of the phone calling to her. So I decided I'd let her call me.

And then she didn't. Emily and I talk every other day, if not every day. Friday came and went without a phone call. Then Saturday. Then Sunday. As the days clicked by without hearing from her, our disagreement changed in my mind into an actual fight. She was punishing me for questioning her decision about this assignment. Well, screw her!

By the time Monday rolled by, I was P-I-S-S-E-D. We'd been friends for over 10 years! And she'd agreed to tutor me this semester! I had an other assignment due this week, and she was leaving me high and dry. That French bitch! Well, if she wanted to fight, no problem! I could give as good as I got!

The Bread Winner and I went out for dinner with my mother last night, and when we returned...there was a message from Emily on the answering machine. From the content of the message and the tone of her voice, it was readily apparent to me that she did not know that we'd been in a big fight for the past 5 days. I called her back. We chit-chatted about the weekend. All is fine.

I wish I could say this was the first time I've been in such a "fight." Unfortunately, it's all too common.


  • that's funny.. because i went through the same exact thing with a friend of mine... except i was mad, and didn't really feel like talking to her and decided when she wanted to put some effort into our friendship - she'd call. and she never did. didn't speak for 2 weeks, and then i called her to talk things over, got in a huge fight again.. and finally have made up as of late. i don't know if things are still weird... but it's hard to be so close, yet fight all the time.... but we can't just not be friends.

    By Blogger Jean, at 8:03 PM, February 24, 2005  

  • I'm usually the one who doesn't know we're fighting.

    By Blogger Whimsy Chick, at 11:18 AM, February 25, 2005  

  • Hmm... I'm thinking this may be a girl thing.

    By Blogger Newell, at 9:22 PM, February 26, 2005  

  • Gosh, that doesn't leave much room for something else going on in a person's life which just might be overwhelming and keeping them from calling. What if you found out after some time that she'd been in an accident or something and couldn't have called? Maybe I'm just a forgiving fool or something. I'm always ready to believe something other than the worst unless it's proven. guys are friends again? ~:^)

    By Blogger foxymama, at 10:58 PM, February 27, 2005  

  • Jean, I wouldn't have called. I'm just that kind of passive agressive bitch. Of course, I don't know all the details here--like why you can't NOT be friends. I hope it works out for the two of you.

    Kerrie, Good for you. I wish I didn't get worked up do much about things...and nothings.

    Newell, It might be.

    Foxy, Something "other than the worst" is that she was in an accident that left her so disabled that she couldn't call for five days and tell me what happened? I think my version is less worse. Of course, if that was what happened, I wouldn't have been mad at her. As it was, she just didn't call because she thought I was gone for the weekend and whatnot. And I wasn't mad at her because clearly it wasn't a fight at all. It was all in my head, and I realized that. However, if she hadn't called because she was busy or she didn't feel like it, and she waited three or four more days to call, I would have been legitimately angry with her because she agreed to tutor me. She's made an obligation to me, and I expect her to uphold it.

    By Blogger Oz, at 12:54 PM, February 28, 2005  

  • Oh. Got it... Call me obtuse... ~:^)

    By Blogger foxymama, at 3:48 PM, February 28, 2005  

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