The Bean Blog (currently on hiatus)

Friday, October 01, 2004

At Least I Still Look Young and Fabulous

As some of you might remember, I have been half-heartedly trying to make some money as a wedding photographer. I've been a little commitment phobic about it, so when I met a real wedding photographer--someone who has a studio and makes a liviing from wedding photography--and he said he'd like to meet with me to discuss if I would be interested in being a second photographer to him, I jumped at the chance. Okay, you got me. I waited over a month before getting back to him on it. But I did get back to him, and I'm going on a trial run with him tomorrow, Saturday.

All this is not the point of this post, however. I'm just setting the scene. I met the guy at his studio to talk about the details, and while we were discussing things, he asked if I was serious about this. He wanted to know whether or not I was just in it for a few weekends and then I would drop off the face of the earth. The implication, understandably, was that he didn't want to waste time training me only to have things not work out. I will now pick up the conversation from that point:

ME: Yes, I am serious about this. But since you've raised this point, I feel like I should let you know that I am trying to get pregnant right now. Therefore, it is quite possible that eight months down the road or so, I might not be able to work for a period of many months.

Wedding Pro: Oh! So you're married!

ME (A few seconds go by while I contemplate the question and all of its implications--first of all, it's now clear that he does not realize that I am a lesbian, and I wonder if I should come out to him now or later and whether or not that will be a problem for him. I also go over a familiar debate I have with myself about the word "marriage" as it relates to me as a lesbian--no, I am not legally married, however, I am in my heart and in the eyes of my family and friends. But I do know of people, both gay and straight who, for different reasons, object to the word "marriage" for same sex couples. All of these thoughts go through my head in under three seconds and then I just give the easy answer): Yes.

WP: How long have you been married for?

ME: It's been two years now.

WP: How old are you?

ME: Oh boy. If you must know, I just turned 30 this month [September].

WP: What?

ME: Yes, I'm 30. It's depressing.

WP: I can't believe it.

ME: Me neither.

WP: No, I mean, I thought you were 19.

ME: 19?!

WP: Yes. 20, maybe 22, at the oldest.

ME: Thank you. Thank you very much.

In hindsight, knowing that he thought I was 19 makes some sense out of the conversation. Not many 19 year olds are actively trying to get pregnant, and fewer still have been married for two years.

I told the Bread Winner this story afterwards, and she laughed with me. I mean, I might not look 30, but 19? That's a bit extreme. I was wearing a t-shirt, jean jacket, and a baseball hat, but still. I'm not complaining about it. I'm definitely at that point in my life where when I order a drink and I am asked for ID, I say, "Thank you," much as I did with this wedding pro. The Bread Winner said to me, "See? It's a good thing. Now that he knows you're 30, he takes you more seriously." But no, really, that's not a good thing. I am not ready to be taken more seriously. The wedding pro might not have figured out my physical age, but he pretty much hit the nail on the head otherwise.


  • I think you are talented and amazing and will be a success at whatever you do.

    Happy Friday!


    By Blogger Vadergrrrl, at 1:08 PM, October 01, 2004  

  • If memory serves me, didn't you say a few posts back that the Bread Winner gets mistaken for being much younger than she really is? You two must look like a couple of college sorority girls when you're out and about! Heh heh heh.

    I don't know why that's funny. I'm going to go eat now.

    By Blogger Dan, at 7:46 PM, October 01, 2004  

  • It's funny (not in a ha-ha way entirely) how often people make assumptions based on appearances. And how often people want to label us based on those appearances.

    By Blogger Diva, at 11:48 PM, October 01, 2004  

  • The only time when I was mistaken for not being my own age was in high school. I was taking an accounting class as an elective, and every Friday we had to dress in business attire. One day I was walking down the hall in my nice shirt and tie and there were these two guys several feet in front of me talking in somewhat hushed voices and laughing about something. One of them turned around and saw me behind them and then turned back to the other and said, "Oh crap, dude, there's a teacher behind us."

    Another similar incident: Again I was dressed up for accounting, but it was earlier in the day and I was in English class. The teacher had gotten the class to form a circle for some reason or other. The way the circle ended up, I was toward the front of the class, near the door, and the teacher was way in the back of the class. Another student came in the room with a message from another teacher. She looked around quickly and saw me with my tie on at the front of the room and assumed I was the teacher (maybe she thought I was a substitute...) and tried to give me the message. It was awful.

    By Blogger Newell, at 2:43 AM, October 02, 2004  

  • Vader, Thanks for the words of support. Unfortunately, I have failed at many things, so I'm not sure it's that easy....

    Dan, Yes, she does look young. Really young. Even if I look 19 (I don't think many would suggest that, although this guy did), she looks 12. So it's more like a sorority girl taking her little sister out to molest her. Oh, then there's the fact that although I might be mistaken for 19, I would NEVER be mistaken for a sorority girl, so then I guess it's just some grungy college girl molesting a junior high girl. Yeah, that's about it. That's the impression the Bread Winner and I give to strangers.

    Diva, Well, I know politically correct people say that you shouldn't judge based on appearances, but we have to. Otherwise, as soon as you met someone, you'd have to sit them down with a questionaire and say, "Okay, age? Hm-mm. Religion? check. Ethnicity? right, I thought that. I didn't mean that! I didn't! I swear!"

    Newell, Why were you so embarrassed? You should have sent those kids to detention! I've always been perceived as younger than I was. I could never get into a bar when I was underage unless the bouncer was being nice and letting underage people in. It wasn't a comfort at the time, but I knew that one day I would appreciate the fact that I look younger than I am. Now I do!

    By Blogger Oz, at 7:40 AM, October 04, 2004  

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