The Bean Blog (currently on hiatus)

Thursday, September 02, 2004

Which Sperm is THE Sperm for Me?

Two days ago, I came to a realization. I did some math, and I figured out that it was possible that I could still try to get pregnant during my next cycle. The sperm bank would have to let me send in my application now and sort of "pre-approve" me pending the final lab test stating that I am negative for myco-ureaplasma. I'll be getting re-cultured again for that on 9/9 and should get the results on or around 9/16. So much for my post where I thought that would be the last time I spread my legs. Anyway, my next cycle should start somewhere around 9/17, which means I would be inseminating sometime around October 1. (That's a lot of "sometime around"s...welcome to the hell that is trying to conceive.) The point of all this is that it's possible to get all the shit in and approved and that I can try next cycle. Yay!

What's next, Oz? I'm glad you asked. Why, it's time to choose a donor. Being white folk, we're choosing from the "Caucasian" list. This is a very small sperm bank, and there's only 18 white guys available. Actually, I shouldn't say only. Obviously, if I were Jewish I would only have two choices. If I were Chinese or Latino, I would only have one choice. And if I were African-American, I would have no choices at all. (Assuming that I wanted a donor who was of the same ethnicity as myself.) So 18 is pretty good in that context, but it is certainly not the hundreds and hundreds that my friends have had to choose from with other sperm banks.

Why so few donors, Oz? Yet another good question. You see, I am using this sperm bank--not because it actively recruits gay donors--but because it is a known donor sperm bank. When the baby is 3 months old, I'll find out the donor's name, and then my child can know his/her father right from the beginning. This is important to me and to the Bread Winner. Most lesbians do not want to know who the daddy is because they want to have their family unit (two mommies and the baby) be the only family unit the child knows. They don't want anyone else with a "parental" tie to the child. I don't feel that way. I think that it is more important for my child to know who his/her father is than for me to selfishly keep the child all to myself. So this sperm bank that I am using is the only sperm bank which releases the donor's name at such an early age (some will release when the child is 18 or 21). Because this issue is important to us, we are using this bank, and that means we have 18 white men to choose from.

So who's the lucky guy, Oz? Wow, I can't answer that question for you yet. We have orderd 7 donor profiles, and we've narrowed it down to 4. Not very impressive, I know. We particularly like 3 of them, and frankly, I do have a favorite. We're going to look over their profiles a bit longer, and then next week, we're going to ask the sperm bank some more questions about them. For instance, has their sperm produced pregnancies/babies for other women? I want to know how many half-siblings my child will have out there, especially considering that there is a very real possibility that they could get to know these other little creatures. I am a little selfish in that I don't want my guy to have children all over the place (although the sperm bank does limit each donor to five families). But at the same time, I do want to know that their sperm is good and can make some babies! We also want to know how many specimens that guy still has available. We want this sperm to get me pregnant, and then in a year or two, we want it to get the Bread Winner pregnant so that our children will have a biological connection through their daddy. As there is only a 15% chance (15%!) of pregnancy with each attempt, that means that the guy has to have a lot of swimmers there, ready and waiting. As you can see, there are a few issues out there that we need answers to.

But it's exciting. Hopefully this time next month, I'll be trying to create a life....


  • Wow, this is worse than picking out curtains (joke... very bad joke)!

    At any rate, hopefully you'll get the donor you want and you'll get lucky and get preapproved. Good luck!

    Oh, and on an entirely separate note, I've noticed that we seem to be reading one another's blogs fairly frequently. Do you mind if I put a link to your blog on mine? I figure more readers can't hurt, right? And of course, you may do the same with mine if you wish. No pressure though.

    By Blogger Newell, at 2:41 PM, September 02, 2004  

  • Go Oz! I'm rooting for those ovaries to do their thang!

    By Blogger Tim, at 6:45 PM, September 02, 2004  

  • All the best on your quest to start a family. It's worth every lost night of sleep. Whenever little Bean makes his/her appearance, he/she will be lucky to have a Mom who takes such incredibly good pictures.

    By Blogger Carmi, at 12:26 AM, September 03, 2004  

  • Newell, Of course you can link me! Who would say no to that?

    Everyone, Thanks for the well wishes. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high (might be too late :) Something could still go wrong--like this weird thing I have might not clear up or who knows what else.

    By Blogger Oz, at 10:11 AM, September 03, 2004  

  • Wow...isnt it amazing what we can do with science? Anyways, the best of luck to your future pregnancy. I know the odds are kinda sucky, but still. Good things do happen to good people. Cant wait to read all of your pregnancy adventures!

    By Blogger D.T., at 11:53 AM, September 03, 2004  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:08 PM, September 03, 2004  

  • Thanks, DT. Don't worry--you'll hear all about it!

    By Blogger Oz, at 5:09 PM, September 03, 2004  

  • Groovy! I just thought it would be polite to ask first.
    Consider it done!

    By Blogger Newell, at 8:57 PM, September 03, 2004  

  • Gads, I hope this works! You've put so much thought and energy into the whole thing. I really am impressed, too, at how much thought you've put into it. This kiddo is going to be lucky...

    By Blogger foxymama, at 1:13 AM, September 06, 2004  

  • Your blog is great! It's hard to find blogs with good content and people talking about sperm bank these days! I have a secret sperm bank exposed if you want to come check it out

    By Blogger jenna, at 2:59 PM, October 05, 2005  

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