The Bean Blog (currently on hiatus)

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Support This

Way back in September 2003, I began my quest to get pregnant. That sounds pretty damning, doesn't it? Like, Oh my god there must be something wrong with you, you've been trying since when? But really, even though it's been a long time, I only tried three, count 'em three, times. And one time doesn't even count as the timing was screwed up leaving virtually no chance of it working. So there. I've proved my case. I tried twice and didn't get pregnant. This is not a tragedy. This does not mean that I have fertility problems. This does not mean that I need...and I feel my skin crawling now...a support group.

Let me take you back, yet again, to fall of 2003. At the same time I was trying to get pregnant, another friend of mine, Carol, was trying to get pregnant. Carol and her partner Angel are good friends of myself and the Bread Winner. We were excited to begin this process together, although secretly, I felt very competitive and desperately wanted to get pregnant before Carol, please, please, let me get pregnant before she does, is that too much to ask? As further evidence that god does not exist, that bitch Carol got pregnant on her second attempt and is now in the third trimester.

Angel called me today, and after offering condolences about my grandmother and discussing various matters here and there, she said, "I wanted to ask you about something. We have some friends who have been trying for a really, really long time without any success. I was talking to them, and they were saying that they wanted to form a support group for other people who have also been having trouble, um, I mean, are involved in the process."

Okay, two points. Point #1) see paragraph 1. Point #2) I almost ripped my ears off of my head when I heard Angel say the words last winter, "Carol is pregnant!" I have this horrible, sinking feeling in my stomach that I will get to know these women, and I will become a magical fertility talisman for them, bringing them instant pregnancy while I send more and more money, month after month, to the sperm bank of my choice. And I think that I'll need my ears down the road someday, although most television shows do come with closed captioning, and I suppose I could make do.


  • having read 8 entries to your blog i'm curious. Is there a way to email you?

    By Blogger Adam, at 6:14 PM, August 03, 2004  

  • Patience, grasshopper. It'll happen, just give it a few more tries before panicking. Three times isn't enough to worry just yet. As far as the "support group," I'd tell 'em to take a long walk off a short pier, but I'm antisocial like that.

    By Blogger Tim, at 8:47 PM, August 03, 2004  

  • Adam, I'm glad that my last 8 blog entries have piqued your interest. You have questions you do not feel free to ask in the comment section?

    Tim, Yes, sensei. Patience is a virtue. I'm doing my best. Does being patient mean that I can't feel like killilng any woman who gets pregnant before I do.

    By Blogger Oz, at 9:17 PM, August 03, 2004  

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