The Bean Blog (currently on hiatus)

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Over the River and Through the Woods, to Grandmother's House I Go

My grandmother died on July 24th. The last time I was down at my grandparents' house was for her funeral on July 29. I had been meaning to get down there since then, but when both my car and my grandfather's borrowed truck broke down (the car on July 28, the truck on 8/3), I had no way of getting there. Not exactly true. I have a motorcycle, but the week of 8/2 threatened rain, and it didn't seem like a good idea. The week of 8/9, I was in San Diego. The week of 8/16 was too busy dealing with getting the car and the truck dealt with. Now the car is back ($700 later) and so is the truck. I'm heading down there this morning.

It feels like the first time that I'll be going there, and she won't be there. I was there almost every day after she died and through the day of her funeral, but that period of time almost seems like it existed in a parallel dimension. All of my family was there--my mother, my aunt, my uncle, my cousin, and so many local friends of my grandparents. We were all so raw. We were in a haze, where we just tried to get through one hour and then the next.

So now it's been one month and one day since she died. Enough time has passed that when I go down there today, it will be "normal," except that she won't be there. She won't give me that fierce hug and that kiss on the cheek that almost felt like a jab with a pointed finger. My grandmother was soft and caring and happy to sit in the background and smile at you, except when it came to physical displays of affection. Then, she grabbed a hold of you so that you knew you were in the grip of something strong and real. Even a pat on the hand held the connotation, "Take that, take this love I have for you, it's yours, here."

I'm going to miss that today. I do already.

5 Comments:

  • It has been 16 years since my dear grandmother died and I still miss her fiercely. Of everyone, it's her my thoughts turn to first when I just have to tell someone some news. Your entry today has moved me very much. I sure do empathize. Gawd, these grandmothers are special, aren't they? They love you unconditionally. I always thought that was the province of mothers but not in my case... I'm truly sorry for your terrible loss, Oz.

    By Blogger foxymama, at 11:47 AM, August 25, 2004  

  • Darn it. You made me cry at work. Now I miss my Grandma too (but thank you).

    By Blogger Trillian, at 12:24 PM, August 25, 2004  

  • But at least you have such happy memories.

    Tara

    By Blogger Tara, at 12:37 PM, August 25, 2004  

  • Thanks everyone....... I really appreciate the support.........

    By Blogger Oz, at 9:22 AM, August 27, 2004  

  • I am so sorry for your loss. You described her, and the relationship you had, so poignantly that it brought me right back to my childhood. I can still feel how much my grandparents loved me when I walked into their apartment my grandmother would almost maul me with kisses before sitting me down and cooking for me. She'd stuff me with food for what seemed like forever, all the while talking excitedly about how her grandchildren had come to visit her.

    She died 13 years ago after a long battle with Alzheimers, but those memories remain vivid, and they continue to shape and guide my life to this day. It sounds like you have a similarly rich trove from which to draw, and may they be similarly comforting to you in the weeks, months, and years ahead.

    By Blogger Carmi, at 2:38 PM, August 28, 2004  

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