The Bean Blog (currently on hiatus)

Monday, August 30, 2004

More Bad News

As some of you might remember from an earlier post, I've been having a crappy summer. Everything seems to be going wrong. When I went to San Diego, I'd had hopes that I was putting my bad luck behind me. I was so desperate to believe that to be true that I even brushed off catching a 24 hour bug while in San Diego as no big deal.

Among my lengthy list of things that have gone wrong were my car breaking down and having to put off trying to get pregnant. Well, I got the car back two Fridays ago after turning over $700 to the mechanic--ouch. Especialy considering that we are planning on getting rid of this 15 year old car with 150,000 miles on it this winter (when we'll come into a little money). But until December or January, we're stuck with this car. The car's Pennsylvania inspection runs out at the end of August, so I took the car to my local mechanic (not the guy who fixed it two weeks ago) and found out that the crack in the windshield is not longer passable. This means that we need a new windshield. Did you just hear the cha-ching of a cash register? I know I did.

As if that wasn't bad enough, I heard from my doctor about the last, final lab test I needed to have run before being cleared to buy sperm. And guess what--it came back positive! So it looks like I have myco/ureaplasma, whatever the hell that is. I'm still not entirely sure. Apparently, it's something that a lot of women have, and it doesn't amount to much unless you want to get pregnant, and then it can cause infertility and/or miscarriage. It's not a big deal to get rid of. I just need to go on a 7 day course of antibiotics. However, that effectively means that I will not be able to try to get pregnant next cycle like I had been hoping. First, the 7 days of the antibiotic, then re-do the labwork and wait 7 more days for the results to come back, then finally send the completed application to the sperm bank and wait 7 more days for them to process it. Obviously, by this time I am well into the next cycle and it's too late, which means waiting AGAIN.

This might not seem like much to you, but it's killing me. I thought I was taking a four month break last February, which means I would have been trying again in June. Well, June turned into July, and then I really thought I could try in August. Then my gynocologist messed up my test, and August turned into September. Now I'm positive for this weird thing that my GYN had never even heard of before, so September is becoming October. Have I mentioned that I'm not getting any younger?

I know I asked this same question in the previous post I mentioned earlier, but seriously, when is the world going to stop shitting all over me? Enough already! Back in early August, people told me that I was sure to have good fortune smile upon me since I'd gone through such a bad time. Where is that goddamn smile?


  • Windshields are special... on car insurance. There's no deductible, and they HAVE to repair it for you... it's the law. At least... here in Florida it is. Find out. It can save you a bundle!
    ; )

    By Blogger Sister Sunshine, at 8:48 PM, August 30, 2004  

  • Aw, Oz...I feel so incredibly bad for you. It does seem as if the fates are blowing against you.. You're touching my maternal instincts and it makes me feel guilty as hell, since 'maternal' is where you want to be... My uttering 'momly' profundities at you now probably won't help you to feel any better, but I want you to know that I'm thinking as many positive thoughts toward you as I can...and sure hope it'll help to turn your crappy luck around. Maybe I ought to take up sorcery...

    By Blogger foxymama, at 9:44 PM, August 30, 2004  

  • That sucks sucks sucks. I hope things turn around for you. On the bright side, you have a loving Bread Winner, a myriad of great pets, a home, and a sorta-working car. Little people will happen for you soon - it has to. A couple of my girlfriends just had their first kids, and they're both in their mid-thirties. No worries.

    By Blogger Trillian, at 9:49 AM, August 31, 2004  

  • My thoughts go out to you in the hope that you navigate this tough period quickly and easily. The sun will come out tomorrow. Until then, you're surrounded by people who care. Be well.

    By Blogger Carmi, at 3:16 PM, August 31, 2004  

  • Sister Sunshine, I only have the bare minimum (limited liability) as far as car insurance goes--it's outrageously expensive here in Philadelphia. I probably pay two or three times what you pay with only a fraction of the coverage. Thanks for the idea, though!

    Foxy, Thanks so much for your support. It really feels like it's just one thing after another. Every time I make my peace with what's happened and gather up the strength to put my chin back up and go on, I just get slapped back down. But I guess there's nothing to do except keep going on.

    Trillian, I know I have time. It's just that this is so difficult and expensive the way without continually running into road blocks. When you've got the sperm in house, it's a cakewalk.

    By Blogger Oz, at 3:18 PM, August 31, 2004  

  • Carmi, The sun will come out tomorrow? Wanna bet?

    By Blogger Oz, at 3:20 PM, August 31, 2004  

  • I know, Oz. I know pain... On Thursday, around noon, I will see face-to-face, for the first time in 37 years, my daughter and her 2 children (her husband has to work so he won't be there) and the family who adopted and loved her and brought her up and did such a splendid job. I will be able to thank them in person. I'm excited, anxious, scared, and wishing I was about 50 pounds lighter! This is going to be a very historic and scary moment. I can hardly sit still right now... This was a huge, dark and very painful secret for many years, and it has taken some time to be able to mention it freely. I guess what I'd like say is, there can be joy. I wish that for you, Oz...JOY!

    By Blogger foxymama, at 3:39 PM, August 31, 2004  

  • Foxy, Wow, that's quite a bomb to drop in the obscurity of MY comments section! I hope the best for you and this meeting. Believe it or not, a similar thing just happened with one of my in-laws. She just met her 30-something daughter for the first time. I hope this is a great thing for both you and your daughter. I'm sure you've both been curious about each other, and I hope that the joy overcomes any pain.....

    By Blogger Oz, at 3:54 PM, August 31, 2004  

  • Yeah, sorry. I would have preferred to do it by email because there's a nifty story to go along with it, but I didn't know your eddress. Tim has already met her. I only wrote it so you'd know that there are good endings. I didn't always know that...and I want a good ending for you. Hang in there, kid...the first 100 years are the killers, or so they say anyway...whoever the hell THEY are. Thanks for good thoughts.

    By Blogger foxymama, at 4:52 PM, August 31, 2004  

  • Foxy, you can email me at anytime you want.... :)

    By Blogger Oz, at 5:15 PM, August 31, 2004  

  • I think everyone goes through phases of crap at some time or other. You just can't let it get you too down. That's when you get in real trouble. I know it's hard, but try to keep a positive outlook. And beware of stupid people...

    By Blogger Newell, at 11:46 PM, August 31, 2004  

  • Great work on your blog - it was very enlightening. You've got a lot of useful info on there about sperm bank so I've bookmarked your site so I don't lose it. I'm doing a lot of research on sperm bank exposed and have just started a new blog - I'd really appreciate your comments

    By Blogger marissa, at 6:23 PM, October 06, 2005  

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