The Bean Blog (currently on hiatus)

Friday, July 16, 2004

Interesting. Very Interesting.

I came home last night to a message on my answering machine. Who? you ask. I'm glad you did: John Doe. I had counted him out weeks ago. I know that he doesn't like to say no to people, so I thought that his silence was doing the talking for him. But according to him, he's been "thinking very long and very hard" about contributing his DNA to the Get Oz Pregnant Cause.

John Doe is leaving for Italy next Friday, July 23, and not returning until September 4. He wanted to get together with myself and the Bread Winner next week to talk things over. I guess he has some questions, and that's understandable. Unfortunately, I am leaving for a little Key West vacation with mommy dearest (who is footing the entire bill--how could I say no?) on Monday and returning Thursday. And John Doe has the audacity to be going out of town himself this weekend. So that leaves us with a Thursday night meeting.

I can see it now: I'll step off the plane from Key West, looking like a bronze goddess. John Doe will be so excited by my stunning beauty, not to mention my wit, charm, and overall intelligence, that he'll get a woody right then and there, desperate to make a baby with me. Handing him a cup, with a finger languorously pointed towards his bedroom, I'll direct him on his way. The Bread Winner and I will laugh the laugh of the confident, knowing that John Doe is busy producing 100 million young, healthy, robust sperm, and we'll raise our wine glasses and drink a toast. As the glasses touch, a beautiful flash of light, reflected from the sun, will fill the room....

Okay, you got me, none of that will happen. First of all, I won't be ovulating, so there wouldn't be any point in him jacking off. Second, we still have papers to sign, etc. Third, I wear like SPF 75 sunblock, so if everything goes according to plan, I'll return from Key West just as pale as I was when I left. Yeah, yeah, not a word of it was possible, but it sounded nice, didn't it?

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