The Bean Blog (currently on hiatus)

Monday, June 14, 2004

Sperm: the Missing Ingredient

I mentioned briefly in an earlier post that I intend to have a child. For you heterosexuals out there, this is a fairly straight forward process. You get busy with your sex partner of choice, and for most of you, this will result in a pregnancy within six months. Now, for women with no sperm in their sex life (i.e. lesbians), things are a bit more complicated. The most common option is to buy frozen, anonymous sperm, produced mostly by smart, young, financially-strapped, college men desperate to make a buck and have a good time doing it. However, I would like to have an answer for Oz, Jr., on the day when she asks, "Who's my daddy?" A friend of mine recently got pregnant. She used "identity release" sperm. Once the kid turns 18, s/he can find out bio-Dad's name. There's one sperm bank out there calling itself a "known donor" sperm bank. Once the kid is 3 months old, the mother and bio-dad find out each other's identity, thereby allowing the bio-dad to have some sort of relationship with the child. And the final option is to find a guy, ask him if he would produce the missing ingredient, and then try to get pregnant that way. (Sorry, boys, I'm not willing to have sex with you. You have to jack-off into a cup and then hand it over.)

I'm probably going to go with option 2: the "known donor" sperm bank. However, there's a guy I have my eye on. It's funny how when you want to get pregnant, you start looking at and evaulating your male friends in an entirely different light. "Hmm, Justin has allergies, doesn't he? Isn't Rob on anti-depressants? Frankly, Alex annoys me, and I don't know why I'm friends with him anyway." But there's one guy out there; we'll call him John Doe. He's in good physical health, no mental problems, good family, artistic, smart, and yes, good-looking. The whole package.

I'm hanging out with John Doe in just a couple of hours. How do I go about asking him to wack-off in a cup and then hand his genetic code over? And in addition, he has to be willing to terminate his parental rights once Oz, Jr., mkaes it into the world. I'm 90% sure he'll say no anyway simply because I think 90% of men would. But I'll never know until I ask...


  • I'm just glad we're still kickin' out that key element. Go men!

    By Blogger Chuck, at 1:22 PM, June 14, 2004  

  • If any of my lesbian friends ever asked, I'd certainly give them the ol' "David Crosby-->Melissa Etheridge" thumbs up. Am I really in the 10% minority on that? Wow. That kind of blinding (haha) generosity on my part has definitely earned me a hot cocoa. Better go get it now.

    Good luck with John Doe and his bambino lotion. Hopefully it'll work out well for you.

    By Blogger Tim, at 4:22 PM, June 14, 2004  

  • Chuck, "key element"? You sexist pig! The egg is just as important. (love ya anyway)

    Tim, What's this you say? You're ready and willing? Maybe I'll take a little trip up to your neck of the woods.... ;)

    By Blogger Oz, at 8:29 AM, June 15, 2004  

  • And to think that I've wasted so much genetic material when I could've made a few bucks and made a few lesbians happy mothers. Oh well. Good luck.

    By Blogger NotCuredYet, at 3:58 PM, June 23, 2004  

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